What You Should Not Be Saying To A Friend Whose Grieving

Losing someone very dear and close to your heart can be very traumatising and difficult to go through. Seeing the relationship with a loved one forcefully come to an end will trigger a lot of pain and emotional distress, no matter how much you brace yourself for it. The natural response to such a devastating degree of loss is grief.

Everyone processes and experience grief differently. For some, it might seem like life goes on as per normal. For others, the stress and grief can be shown through the toll that it has taken on their mind and body. Regardless of the case, it is a clear fact that those who are going through mourning and grief will no doubt be in some form of pain. It is a period of time when they are the most vulnerable. If you know someone who is trying to get back up from losing a loved one, it is important for you to be sensitive and exercise caution.

Most of the time, we as a society are simply not equipped enough with the resources to help people in grief. Unfortunately, none of us are taught with how to recover from a loss or a traumatic incident. More often than not, people will tell us to intellectualise our feelings and keep moving forward. Grief is, however, very much an emotional experience. There is not much use in trying to rationalise away one’s grief. No matter how well and effective you bury it, the feelings of grief can always reappear from the state of being repressed. Do you know someone who is hurting and currently in a process of grieving? Do you want to reach out to a friend in grief but you are afraid that you do not know what to say?

Sincerity and sensitivity will go a long way to reaching out to someone in pain and grief. Your words and gestures will let them know that they are not alone and that they can count on your support through the challenging times. However, it is very easy to say the wrong thing. You do not want to unintentionally hurt your loved ones and add on to their internal struggles.

Here are some examples of statements or words that you should not say to a person experiencing grief and loss:

  • Be thankful for the time you had together
  • He or she would not want you to be sad
  • Everything happens for a reason
  • God needed another angel up there in Heaven
  • At least he or she is not suffering anymore
  • Stay strong for your husband/wife/children/family

A lot of these statements often try to intellectualise and compartmentalise grief. However, these words shut out the emotional aspect of grief. You will appear to lack sincerity and empathy.

Besides funeral services in Singapore, the professionals at Embrace Funeral Services are trained in offering bereavement support. We work closely with families in grief to make their experience less stressful and difficult.

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